Decolonising the bedroom
Decolonising the bedroom
Chaos, Berlin cool and art
It’s 12.19pm Berlin time and Sam Madhu is running a few minutes late for our interview. She joins a bit breathless — having just rolled out of bed — and has managed to throw on a black jumper with two bodiless ghostly hands printed on the front. ‘Can I smoke?’ she asks me a couple of minutes into our chat. She is chaotic, the epitome of Berlin cool, a self defined goth and, of course, an artist.
Samyukta — named by her mum after a princess who ran away with her boyfriend — is known for remixing South Asian culture, symbolism and mythology with futuristic stuff, leading to creating work like this:
You were born in Chennai, studied in New York, moved to Mumbai for a bit and are now in Berlin. How do you define yourself?
I fall into an interesting bracket. I was born and raised in India. I didn't grow up in the West but I’ve been here a while. My experience is one of being in between — I don't feel Indian like my friends who never left and I definitely don't feel like diaspora.
I’m definitely drawn to the dark energy that Berlin has. I’m a goth and there are just so many others here too. Even the curation of art galleries is very dark.
You mix a lot of your Indian culture into the work you do though?
I love Indian history. We have so many stunning aesthetics from the past and they've just been erased and forgotten because of colonialism. Then there have been many layers built on top of colonisation like Hindu nationalism and the move towards things becoming more conservative and separate. I just wonder — with my art — what it would look like if we existed without it all.
When you grow up with certain things around you, they subconsciously influence you. Whatever you grow up with inevitably finds a way back into your life because it's programmed in your brain. That's why, when I started making art, calling on Hindu mythology was a way for me to not only be different but to also be proud of where and what I’ve come from.
I also love sci-fi, Ghost in the Shell and futuristic work. Mix that with the dark stuff and that’s my work.
You said in a previous interview that you don’t want to be whitewashed but you also don't want to be oppressed by misogynistic Indian rules — how are you finding that balance now?
I'm still the same but I'm also so different. I really don't know, dude, I'm just figuring it out myself. I've never been more lost in my life than I am right now.
[She runs to get an ashtray whilst shouting me an apology: ‘I’m sorry I’m a mess today!’].
When I did that interview with Buzzfeed I was working for Adidas and I was the only Indian girl there. I’d go home and make art like goddesses in Adidas tracksuits. It seems cringe now but I wanted to show brown girls differently to the way we’re always portrayed. I was doing it for myself more than anything — I've never felt like I’ve fitted in anywhere so my work was my space. My new work has evolved and is different but that ethos remains the same.
Your work feels very sensual. Is this something you think about?
I'm a very sexual person and I like working with female bodies in my work. I like this idea of having sex with yourself so you’ll see lots of my work where a girl is feeling up another girl but it isn’t a twin as you might think — it’s her. I just think it's hot. But, I guess, I also love making that art because I’m single and spend a lot of time alone feeling myself.
I would create even more sexual work — some really porno stuff if I could — but my mum and my grandma follow me and you know how it is with brown people, right? They always watch you. Sometimes, I feel a bit trapped by it but I also don't want to block them. I will do it though, at some point.
Do you ever talk to them about your desire to make more pornographic work?
My mom's cool, cooler than a lot of Indian mums. And so is my dad. But I still can’t talk to them about sex properly.
When I was in fourth grade, I came home to my parents flirting at the dining table. My mum had written ‘I want to have sex with you’ on my dad’s hand. It was a cute moment, looking back, but I flipped out at them. They sat me down and my mum gave me the birds and the bees talk which involved her taking two of my sketch pens, a yellow and an orange one, and smashing them together! But that was kind of the extent of our sex talks until much later. I once told her that sex had hurt with this guy. All she said was, ‘it's not supposed to hurt.’ That's all she could give me. I understand my mum comes from generations of women who feel they shouldn’t talk about sex as it’s ‘dirty’ but if I had a daughter who told me that I would want to know everything to help her figure it out.
My dad is so cute though. When I thought I was pregnant this one time, he got out a notebook to explain to me how ovulation cycles worked. For a brown man, that is incredible and sweet and he was really trying.
Does your relationship with your culture translate to your sex life?
I’ve never slept with a brown guy. Most of my experiences of sex have been with white men but I’ve also slept with South East Asian and Black men too. I’ve recently started to date brown men because I’ve realised that’s the culture I connect with most even though that’s not been my attraction at all. This year has been about exploring why my dating preferences are my preferences — it’s so heavily colonised. Why is it that all my girlfriends and I want to date 6’2 white men? It’s easy to say it’s because you’re attracted to them but looking deeper and asking why that attraction exists is so important.
For me, there’s a certain aspect of self-loathing that comes with it and also a repeating of patterns: Before my mum, my dad was exclusively into white girls.
How do you feel when you’re with a white guy?
When I walk down Berlin streets with my white German tall (not partner!) housemate, I feel protected and entitled. I don't have to be small anymore. Walking down Indian streets with the same man would be a symbol a power — a white man is power all over the world but it’s abundantly clear in India. Although, there you’d also carry the label of slut for selling out.
Often, with these men, I feel there’s physical chemistry but no connection on an emotional level. We don't understand each other. So much of my work is rooted in racial identity and that’s a lot for someone outside of the culture to take on. Now, dating brown men, I feel an immediate level of comfort.
What are you like as a sexual partner?
I'm a fucking goddess! [she giggles while I want to give her a standing ovation]. I'm very sensual and I think I’m a good lover but it takes me a lot to connect with someone. It’s why I was in pain when I had sex that time. So I’m quite selective about who I sleep with. But even then, with all the white guys, I still always feel very tense and anxious. I’ve never been able to completely relax with anyone. Maybe it’s because, in the back of my mind, I know it’s not going anywhere. We’re not compatible outside of the bedroom and we have nothing in common.
What are you looking for?
I’m 100% looking for something monogamous. A boring, 1900s style relationship. I’m too possessive for anything else. My Venus is in Scorpio [which means she can be quite jealous, mysterious, finds beauty in darkness] so I don't want you putting your penis in anyone else's vagina or anything.
I want something that I can relax into. Someone who I can have a really good conversation with.
Any final thoughts?
To all my POC gals, theys and thems out there, when you are attracted to someone but your intuition tells you it’s not going to work out, ask yourself why you’re actually attracted to them — other than the fact that he's 6’2, Caucasian and has a cool job.
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment to let us know what you thought!
You can find Samyukta’s work on her Instagram.
Special thanks to Temi Wilkey for helping me understand horoscopes for this piece!
A quick ask…
I’m in the process of organising a very cool event 👀 in December and am looking for a couple of sponsors to make it a bit easier on me. If there’s anyone you could connect me to who could be interested, please do let me know! I’ll get you lunch! 🧡